Today Was Hard

Gratitude. I search for it in my mind, but all I feel is an emptiness.

I am tired. I worked late last night, and now I feel depleted. My body feels cold. I want to keep going, though.

I am grateful for:


Working hard last night and getting my presentation done in time today. Last night was hard, staying awake and clicking away at the computer. I am so grateful to be done with the work, and that tomorrow there will be a lot less of it. I am grateful that I seem to be getting better with the work I’m doing — I feel less like an imposter and more that I belong.


I am grateful for the sleep that I will have tonight. I am so incredibly tired. My eyes feel heavy, my face heavy, my feet heavy. The bed will feel amazing, particularly the silk pillow cases.


The voice of my friend. I called her when taking a break from my computer screen. She is always down for a spontaneous chat, and she makes me laugh with her dry sense of humor. I miss spending evenings with her walking through the city and watching reality tv shows while attempting to do homework (which often was left undone).


My father, who texted me yesterday to just say he was thinking of me. I often take his small texts for granted, but they are very kind and thoughtful. I appreciate that he thinks of me and sends encouragement.


My boyfriend, who works so hard and tirelessly.


For video games that take me into a different realm of being.


For the texts my family sends to each other throughout the day — being connected without being connected.


For the thanksgiving break that is coming up. I am excited for the few stretch of days of not working.


For the adoptable cats I saw on the internet today, I hope they are doing okay wherever they are.


For steamed veggies, which can be very helpful in times of hunger.

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