My Boyfriend Is Getting Crushed By Work

I don’t know what to do

Right now I feel angry and hopeless. My boyfriend is getting crushed by work. While many of us have become unemployed or struggling to find work during Covid, my boyfriend is working many hours more than he used to and is slowly coming undone.

The university has put a freeze on hiring and salaries, meaning less bodies in each department. Professors have more time, and are using it to propose to every grant they can. My boyfriend is a grants administrator, so with the extra proposals and less bodies (and inability to hire) his work is getting worse. Each of his team members, himself included, are working the amount of two, and no one is saying ‘no’ or ‘enough’ because they are scared to lose their jobs.

I am angry, because I feel like I can’t do anything.

I’ve read a lot of self-help books, ranging from Esther Perel, Brené Brown, Alain De Botton, Tim Ferris, Tony Robbins, Jordan Peterson, that guy who wrote the Women are from Venus books — I don’t remember any with advice on what to do if your partner feels absolutely stuck and absolutely miserable in their work. When you can see their health deteriorating and it sucks the life out of everything.

I feel like I can’t do anything. And that makes me angry.

I am angry that the economy is structured in such a way that people sacrifice their health and sanity to own a home. I am angry that the university has a hiring freeze, even though its students have paid thousands and thousands went into making yards and buildings look pretty.

I am angry I am not a rich woman, so he could easily resign and not have to worry about income. I am angry he is practical, and so won’t spontaneously quit anyways.

I am angry that I feel like the only course of action is nothing. That the battle he is facing is his to face, and whatever decision he makes is mine to accept.

It is a very lonely place to be.

Interested in design & living well.

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