ADHD, a sort of Poem

The email inbox is full again
The photos on my phone show different versions of myself
Mostly serious, mostly too close
Mostly trying to find something
Something I already know
What do I know?

The pen was here, now it’s somewhere else
Evidently a tornado came through my room
Maybe a monster, grabbing and hungry and always wanting more
It’s always easier to take out then to put back
I believe that’s a theory I heard once, about the universe always moving into disorder
It’s less energy to make things disordered, and more energy to make things ordered
So we spill into the disordered

Wanting, longing
To be somewhere I am not
The actions disappear as soon as I pull on them
Which direction to take?
All of them
None of them

I spin round and round
Too fast, too slow
Going nowhere in particular
god oh god please help me I want to so badly to be balanced
to be healthy
to be someone others can look up to and lean on

Maybe I should quit my job
It would be nice if aliens visited, that would definitely spice things up
I need to save money
The money never gets saved
But it also disappears
Into things I once had hopes for
And now lay scattered beneath the cat

I’m a thousand faces
and yet never my own
I know things, and yet I cannot speak them

I should really get to that thing that I’m putting off
Just a little more time
I’ll get to it later